Back in the Saddle Again

OK, so I'm almost forty and kinda feeling freaked out a bit. Well, I'll be forty next March, but it feels like next week. I mean, when the fuck did i get so old? At this point in my life I thought I would be settled financially and romantically. I'm no where near settled in either category. Actually my life seems to be like living in a snow globe. Just when i think things are settling, someone comes over, picks up my life, gives it a good shake just to make sure the shit's flying everywhere and then walks away. WTF? Don't get me wrong things are going really great right now but I'm so confused at times. Who keeps shaking my fucking globe? Especially when it comes to the romantic part. There's nothing scarier than dating at my age. I have had two long term relationships and know nothing about dating. I feel this pressure that's motivating and exhausting at the same time. The harder I try to lose weight, the more pimples I get. The feeling or need to be perfect in order to compete with younger counterparts can be a real pain in the ass. My solution so far is to just get drunk. Seriously, the more I drink the sexier I feel and the more he drinks the better I look (beer goggles are my friends). And so am I mad at my ex? Definitely but not completely. Being back in the saddle again means I get to jump back to circa 1989 when I graduated high school and believed in prince charming. I'm still hopeful with so much more confidence then I ever had. I'm a woman with vast experience. And yet as I type I'm getting texted for a "booty call". Is there a class on this shit?